...i HATE those little grey buttons that so many people use in their forum signatures. just saw someone whose signature was just SIXTEEN of those buttons. they're ugly and i don't want to see them. lil grey buttons? BLOCK button lol.
I don’t have a problem with those buttons by itself but it’s always a little weird/funny to me that some people feel the need to broadcast every medical condition they have through them.
Like bestie, I don’t know if people on a 13+ dragon png website needs to know you are lactose-intolerant??
+1. Oh my god you were serious about the lactose intolerant one.
I have nothing against the buttons or creator, especially because they’re doing them all for free (if these are the ones OP is referring to: https://www1.flightrising.com/forums/cc/3078623). It’s more the people that overshare with these I find odd.
I’ve seen more and more of this recently (not just on FR) and please, please, if you’re one of these people, please don’t go sharing your personal info and diagnoses on a random website.
I don't even trust all of the the kids making these kind of buttons as if serious health health conditions are collectible pokemon cards. Some kids lie so often about having medical conditions for clout and can have a dangerously stereotypical understanding of what they appropriate. Even when kids do tell the truth and act with integrity, I also agree that it's probably not a great idea for their privacy to share that information.
some people use it to express their needs, some people use it to find people with similar conditions, and some people do it out of pride for overcoming them.
however, i developed the theory that it also has partly to do with the aggression people experience and dish out online. people so often feel the need to have to justify and defend their words and actions by validating them with these conditions, and by showing off these buttons, they can point to them and be like "yeah but i have [CONDITION]." it could also come from the need to have people give more attention to their words by validating them with conditions; everyone has so many needs to be met, that sometimes people think they have to preface their wants with "please help me, i have [condition]" in order to get people to look at it.
for example, very recently i had to put up a fund for a need i have, but in order to feel more secure about asking for it and raise my chances of getting the help i need, i felt i had to justify it with my own conditions.
i don't think it's smart to broadcast information unless necessary and should only be done when it is needed and only as much as is needed. i also think that people shouldn't feel so stressed that they feel they have to give this information in order to justify their existence and their stances. there's so many awful people online who use every scrap of info they can to hurt people, and it just makes it so much easier to get that information. it's the same with DNI lists; while the intention is genuine (an attempt to ward off people they don't want to associate with), it's just giving people more ammo to hurt you, and the internet is not a safe place to be doing that.
the buttons have good intentions but have gone way too far; what was initially just pronouns and LGBT+ identification has spiraled far out of control.
"however, i developed the theory that it also has partly to do with the aggression people experience and dish out online. people so often feel the need to have to justify and defend their words and actions by validating them with these conditions ... sometimes people think they have to preface their wants with "please help me, i have [condition]" in order to get people to look at it"
This is very insightful, and have come to the same conclusion as you. I have unfortunately found it to be true sometimes: someone's admission of trauma or identification with a marginalized identity lends them authority or validity in a certain situation. It shouldn't have to be that way, and I would argue social spaces with such (unusually unspoken) requirements are harmful. Unfortunately there are a lot of pockets like this on the internet, from subreddits to Discord servers and even group texts among friends.
It dilutes the word trauma if people use it to describe things that don't quite meet a certain threshold, and it encourages people to make their traumas/marginalization a larger part of their identity than is probably healthy. It also leads to strange phenomena like relatively privileged people who REALLY want to be oppressed and attempt to claim victimhood in unexpected ways, as well as people applying the perpetrator/victim dynamic in situations where it is not really appropriate.
I do worry about super online young people, especially lgbtq kids who primarily find community/friends online, internalizing this kind of thinking into adulthood. I don't think it's healthy to learn to use your marginalization as a social defense and I don't think it contributes to personal growth; after all, being disabled or mentally ill (or lactose intolerant lol) isn't an excuse if you treat someone poorly.
I read an essay a while back that I thought was interesting and was related to this subject. Warning, it's pretty long, and apologies if you like Hannah Gadsby as the author really rips into her, but the author is an older queer activist who shares a different perspective I don't see often. I don't agree with everything in it, but the general idea rings true for me. I highly recommend it! :)
Thanks for that link, anon. I don't agree with everything the author says, but it's a really thought-provoking take (and as an older lesbian who is lucky enough not to have a backstory full of severe trauma, it really touches on feelings of inauthenticity I've had ever since I realized I was queer, back in the 80s. More often than I like there's a little voice in the back of my head whispering how can I be Really Queer (tm) if I haven't been beaten up/raped/disowned/fired/whatever and =suffered= for it?)
I have seen people use it this way, but I have also seen people use it as a 'get out of trouble free' card (or try to), though not necessarily on FR (though I think there have been a few people who have done it).
Which is one reason why I tend to avoid people who have many of those identifiers, especially on a website that has nothing to do with them, because it often does come across more as 'I have this, so you can't chastise me for my actions' than truly 'sorry if I misunderstand something! I have X and sometimes have trouble!' (again, this is mainly with those who have multiple mental illness identifiers)
I definitely agree with the good intentions, but have always agreed with the 'the path to hell is lined with good intentions'. They can so often go wrong, and as you said, those identifiers can be used to harm the people that are using them.
Along with the idea that the other post brought up, about people using them and NOT having the condition, but only a basic understanding (OCD = obssessive cleaning of hands, or needing everything symmetrical, or being intensely clean) of the mental illness. It perpetuates the stereotypes.
(OP of this thread) yeah, things like that feel very "socially relevant" & make sense to put in a forum signature! and i understand the desire to disclose other "big" things relevant to your identity, like autism for example as i see that button around a lot. knowing you are surrounded by a community of individuals who are similar to you feels wonderful! (i am also autistic & i love how big of a presence autistic individuals have on pet sites in general) but i agree with the nuances other people are bringing up. -you can share as you please, but you don't owe that information to anyone, and you don't have to pre-explain your behavior to strangers -your private medical information is yours - it's not really "Safe" behavior to broadcast your whole chart to the Internet (plus, i just plain don't want to see it all attached as an addendum to every brief "this update is cool!" and "here's my dragon for your share thread" post, & that's why i blocked the 16-button signature person) -having a certain condition doesn't excuse bad behaviors, but the growing population of Internet users who, like, "flash the badges" of their condition(s) as a get-out-of-consequences-free card has made me wary of interacting with people who put a list of mental health conditions as THE very first & most important thing they want others to know about them
...& i feel like the person who requested the "lactose intolerant" button is either 1) someone naive-ish who wants to feel included in the oversharing trend but blessedly did not choose to fabricate a condition in order to participate, or 2) some based comic who styled their request to look earnest in public but is secretly laughing behind their screen. which is the explanation i prefer to believe, because it is silly. "lactose intolerant & proud FR user" funny-false bugbear equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom"
Bios like these definitely signal some oblivious over-sharing, but the specific pattern of bullying I've seen from people with these kinds of bios is honestly the biggest factor in why I now avoid them. There are probably plenty of people with over-sharing stamps their bio that aren't using their condition(s) as a free pass for bad behavior, but it's happened enough that I now automatically avoid a person when I see a ton of these in their signature.
Btw did FR ever have incidents in the past with people using kinning as justification for bullying? All this is giving getting flashbacks to 2015 era Tumblr and I'm imagining someone with "impkin" in their bio starting a thread of the forums in order to call people out for having lore that didn't match their, uh, memories of being an imperial on the astral plane. (How people didn't immediately catch on that this shit was the 4chan created equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom", I'll never know.)
to all the ppl in this thread saying that they can tell who is "faking" having a DD because they're open about it online: fuck you lmfao. you have no idea what you're talking about and it's very clear
it was pretty funny to see posts acknowledging how rare the specific form of dissociation that DID is and then 4 people on this tiny comm showed up immediately to say they have it :P no hate, internet strangers can do their self dx thing and i get a free laugh
coming from someone who got incorrectly dx'd as a child by a quack who still called it "MPD" btw
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Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-03 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-03 10:30 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-03 11:02 pm (UTC)(link)Like bestie, I don’t know if people on a 13+ dragon png website needs to know you are lactose-intolerant??
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-03 11:05 pm (UTC)(link)It's not something I would block over but yeah I now automatically avoid interacting with the people that have these
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 12:43 am (UTC)(link)I have nothing against the buttons or creator, especially because they’re doing them all for free (if these are the ones OP is referring to: https://www1.flightrising.com/forums/cc/3078623). It’s more the people that overshare with these I find odd.
I’ve seen more and more of this recently (not just on FR) and please, please, if you’re one of these people, please don’t go sharing your personal info and diagnoses on a random website.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 04:32 am (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 06:13 am (UTC)(link)however, i developed the theory that it also has partly to do with the aggression people experience and dish out online. people so often feel the need to have to justify and defend their words and actions by validating them with these conditions, and by showing off these buttons, they can point to them and be like "yeah but i have [CONDITION]." it could also come from the need to have people give more attention to their words by validating them with conditions; everyone has so many needs to be met, that sometimes people think they have to preface their wants with "please help me, i have [condition]" in order to get people to look at it.
for example, very recently i had to put up a fund for a need i have, but in order to feel more secure about asking for it and raise my chances of getting the help i need, i felt i had to justify it with my own conditions.
i don't think it's smart to broadcast information unless necessary and should only be done when it is needed and only as much as is needed. i also think that people shouldn't feel so stressed that they feel they have to give this information in order to justify their existence and their stances. there's so many awful people online who use every scrap of info they can to hurt people, and it just makes it so much easier to get that information. it's the same with DNI lists; while the intention is genuine (an attempt to ward off people they don't want to associate with), it's just giving people more ammo to hurt you, and the internet is not a safe place to be doing that.
the buttons have good intentions but have gone way too far; what was initially just pronouns and LGBT+ identification has spiraled far out of control.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 02:51 pm (UTC)(link)"however, i developed the theory that it also has partly to do with the aggression people experience and dish out online. people so often feel the need to have to justify and defend their words and actions by validating them with these conditions ... sometimes people think they have to preface their wants with "please help me, i have [condition]" in order to get people to look at it"
This is very insightful, and have come to the same conclusion as you. I have unfortunately found it to be true sometimes: someone's admission of trauma or identification with a marginalized identity lends them authority or validity in a certain situation. It shouldn't have to be that way, and I would argue social spaces with such (unusually unspoken) requirements are harmful. Unfortunately there are a lot of pockets like this on the internet, from subreddits to Discord servers and even group texts among friends.
It dilutes the word trauma if people use it to describe things that don't quite meet a certain threshold, and it encourages people to make their traumas/marginalization a larger part of their identity than is probably healthy. It also leads to strange phenomena like relatively privileged people who REALLY want to be oppressed and attempt to claim victimhood in unexpected ways, as well as people applying the perpetrator/victim dynamic in situations where it is not really appropriate.
I do worry about super online young people, especially lgbtq kids who primarily find community/friends online, internalizing this kind of thinking into adulthood. I don't think it's healthy to learn to use your marginalization as a social defense and I don't think it contributes to personal growth; after all, being disabled or mentally ill (or lactose intolerant lol) isn't an excuse if you treat someone poorly.
I read an essay a while back that I thought was interesting and was related to this subject. Warning, it's pretty long, and apologies if you like Hannah Gadsby as the author really rips into her, but the author is an older queer activist who shares a different perspective I don't see often. I don't agree with everything in it, but the general idea rings true for me. I highly recommend it! :)
https://yasminnair.com/your-trauma-is-your-passport-hannah-gadsby-nanette-and-global-citizenship/
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 03:50 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) - 2023-08-04 16:23 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:03 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)very poignant, thank you for your perspective (genuine)
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 03:55 pm (UTC)(link)Which is one reason why I tend to avoid people who have many of those identifiers, especially on a website that has nothing to do with them, because it often does come across more as 'I have this, so you can't chastise me for my actions' than truly 'sorry if I misunderstand something! I have X and sometimes have trouble!' (again, this is mainly with those who have multiple mental illness identifiers)
I definitely agree with the good intentions, but have always agreed with the 'the path to hell is lined with good intentions'. They can so often go wrong, and as you said, those identifiers can be used to harm the people that are using them.
Along with the idea that the other post brought up, about people using them and NOT having the condition, but only a basic understanding (OCD = obssessive cleaning of hands, or needing everything symmetrical, or being intensely clean) of the mental illness. It perpetuates the stereotypes.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 07:56 am (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)If you aren't going out to eat with someone, lactose intolerant is pointless information and almost feels like making a mockery of it to me.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)yeah, things like that feel very "socially relevant" & make sense to put in a forum signature! and i understand the desire to disclose other "big" things relevant to your identity, like autism for example as i see that button around a lot. knowing you are surrounded by a community of individuals who are similar to you feels wonderful! (i am also autistic & i love how big of a presence autistic individuals have on pet sites in general) but i agree with the nuances other people are bringing up.
-you can share as you please, but you don't owe that information to anyone, and you don't have to pre-explain your behavior to strangers
-your private medical information is yours - it's not really "Safe" behavior to broadcast your whole chart to the Internet (plus, i just plain don't want to see it all attached as an addendum to every brief "this update is cool!" and "here's my dragon for your share thread" post, & that's why i blocked the 16-button signature person)
-having a certain condition doesn't excuse bad behaviors, but the growing population of Internet users who, like, "flash the badges" of their condition(s) as a get-out-of-consequences-free card has made me wary of interacting with people who put a list of mental health conditions as THE very first & most important thing they want others to know about them
...& i feel like the person who requested the "lactose intolerant" button is either 1) someone naive-ish who wants to feel included in the oversharing trend but blessedly did not choose to fabricate a condition in order to participate, or 2) some based comic who styled their request to look earnest in public but is secretly laughing behind their screen. which is the explanation i prefer to believe, because it is silly. "lactose intolerant & proud FR user" funny-false bugbear equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom"
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)Bios like these definitely signal some oblivious over-sharing, but the specific pattern of bullying I've seen from people with these kinds of bios is honestly the biggest factor in why I now avoid them. There are probably plenty of people with over-sharing stamps their bio that aren't using their condition(s) as a free pass for bad behavior, but it's happened enough that I now automatically avoid a person when I see a ton of these in their signature.
Btw did FR ever have incidents in the past with people using kinning as justification for bullying? All this is giving getting flashbacks to 2015 era Tumblr and I'm imagining someone with "impkin" in their bio starting a thread of the forums in order to call people out for having lore that didn't match their, uh, memories of being an imperial on the astral plane. (How people didn't immediately catch on that this shit was the 4chan created equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom", I'll never know.)
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(Anonymous) - 2023-08-09 14:18 (UTC) - Expandok you wanted my rant about it
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-05 05:28 am (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-05 05:47 am (UTC)(link)I hope they add one for explosive diarrhea
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(Anonymous) 2023-09-04 03:02 am (UTC)(link)it was pretty funny to see posts acknowledging how rare the specific form of dissociation that DID is and then 4 people on this tiny comm showed up immediately to say they have it :P no hate, internet strangers can do their self dx thing and i get a free laugh
coming from someone who got incorrectly dx'd as a child by a quack who still called it "MPD" btw
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