(OP of this thread) yeah, things like that feel very "socially relevant" & make sense to put in a forum signature! and i understand the desire to disclose other "big" things relevant to your identity, like autism for example as i see that button around a lot. knowing you are surrounded by a community of individuals who are similar to you feels wonderful! (i am also autistic & i love how big of a presence autistic individuals have on pet sites in general) but i agree with the nuances other people are bringing up. -you can share as you please, but you don't owe that information to anyone, and you don't have to pre-explain your behavior to strangers -your private medical information is yours - it's not really "Safe" behavior to broadcast your whole chart to the Internet (plus, i just plain don't want to see it all attached as an addendum to every brief "this update is cool!" and "here's my dragon for your share thread" post, & that's why i blocked the 16-button signature person) -having a certain condition doesn't excuse bad behaviors, but the growing population of Internet users who, like, "flash the badges" of their condition(s) as a get-out-of-consequences-free card has made me wary of interacting with people who put a list of mental health conditions as THE very first & most important thing they want others to know about them
...& i feel like the person who requested the "lactose intolerant" button is either 1) someone naive-ish who wants to feel included in the oversharing trend but blessedly did not choose to fabricate a condition in order to participate, or 2) some based comic who styled their request to look earnest in public but is secretly laughing behind their screen. which is the explanation i prefer to believe, because it is silly. "lactose intolerant & proud FR user" funny-false bugbear equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom"
Bios like these definitely signal some oblivious over-sharing, but the specific pattern of bullying I've seen from people with these kinds of bios is honestly the biggest factor in why I now avoid them. There are probably plenty of people with over-sharing stamps their bio that aren't using their condition(s) as a free pass for bad behavior, but it's happened enough that I now automatically avoid a person when I see a ton of these in their signature.
Btw did FR ever have incidents in the past with people using kinning as justification for bullying? All this is giving getting flashbacks to 2015 era Tumblr and I'm imagining someone with "impkin" in their bio starting a thread of the forums in order to call people out for having lore that didn't match their, uh, memories of being an imperial on the astral plane. (How people didn't immediately catch on that this shit was the 4chan created equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom", I'll never know.)
+1 I have these buttons in my profile (no signature though), just the simple ones. I included the disabled one because y'know, it DOES affect my gameplay. I'm barely active due to severe flares right now, and mentioned that in my broadcast, but nowhere do I mentioned my conditions or what symptoms I'm experiencing. I just have [gender], disabled, and FR relevant stuff up. It's a grand total of 6 buttons, only 2 are about me personally, and the other 4 are about FR.
People that include a whole ass medical chart are pretty absurd imo. Sure, awareness is important (when it comes to certain things that is, but c'mon, lactose intolerance?), but dragon Neopets seriously isn't the place for it. If you REALLY have to, go make an Instagram page for it or something so you can talk about how that killer sub from Subway destroyed your toilet.
I have some that have my pronouns, my FR time and that I'm autistic and disabled, so people know I might be slow to reply, and that I might be blunt in my communications.
I'm not trying to be a dick, Im just curious: why do people need to know exactly why you might be slow to reply to things? wouldn't simply putting "might be slow to reply" be more than enough for people? Why would anyone want to know the exact reason? I'm just sort of confused.
(Me, a person who just puts "may be slow to reply" on my FR and no one ever complained for details as to why on my 10 years of playing it)
Attention or an easily cited excuse if they really mess up timewise (such as finishing up with a commission, getting nest rental dragons back, Etc.) That's my answer.
Not talking about OP who mentioned they were autistic. I'm talking about people who do this very carelessly in general. I can see cases where mentioning autism may be necessary in the case someone takes a blunt communication the wrong way. Unfortunately people on FR are really touchy like that.
Probably because there's a not insignificant chance that whoever's on the other end of a slow reply won't give the person the benefit of the doubt otherwise. It's pretty common to see people complaining in discord that so and so took forever to reply in a dom shop/art shop/nest rental, ect. In a perfect world the complaint would come with a caveat of 'but there was adequate notification of expected response time from their bio, and my frustration may be disproportionate to the problem of not being replied to in 30 min'... but that's not what happens.
I don't feel comfortable sharing my details on the site either so if I know in advance that I'm going to be slow to respond for personal reasons I just put 'will be slow to respond'. I fully expect a few people will bitch about the wait time unless I put a reason that they can personally empathize with. (But whatever, I don't care about those people)
Oh for sure, I'm in the same boat as you. People are going to bitch regardless of how much information you put in your signature/bio/profile as to why you're so slow so I just don't see the point in saying anything about myself.
...But then again, I don't care about those people either. And I guess some people do.
not a respond to anyone in particular but I just want to say THANK YOU GUYS for this thread. so many people are clearly faking disorders on FR, and I know other people know they're faking disorders on FR, but you can't say anything about it anywhere because someone will cry ableism. I've seen people say this isn't as big as a problem as people make it out to be, but it is. fuck, it is. I have a friend with a plethora of physical disorders she's too scared to tell anyone about because she's afraid people will think she's just one of those "TikTok attention seekers". I saw a video someone recorded of their younger (as in, child) siblings pretending to have Tourette's because of TikToks they were watching making it seem like the cool and trendy disorder of the week. like what the hell. sorry this shit just really pisses me off and it really bothers me how we let people get away with it so brazenly sometimes
anyways on a lighter note, one time I stumbled upon a profile that had one of those gray buttons and nothing else, and the button was "DIVORCED". thought that was hilarious lmao why is there even a "divorced" button to begin with
there are SO many people in my flight's discord faking DID and it drives me up a wall. But I can't say anything about it because I'll be yelled at for ableism. DID is exceptionally rare disorder and the split personalities certainly do not manifest as youtubers you discovered two years ago, but lets pretend this discord has ten people with DID as if that's actually going to happen and that's likely and that the person with solely minecraft youtuber alters is not faking, sure.
I'm not against self-diagnosing. Mental healthcare in the USA is expensive and often unobtainable and many times self-diagnosing can help you start to find coping mechanisms from sources meant for people with a confirmed diagnosis that can help you hold on until you can get the proper help yourself. But it feels like so many young people - particularly on FR - are doing it because they feel it will give them an instant into community and connection and make them special. It's hard to condemn them for wanting this because to be honest don't we all but it is so hard to not be annoyed. I only hope they'll grow out of it.
it doesnt help that in online social justice-oriented spaces generally there's an overall notion that anything you say is more valid if you can attach your lived experience as a marginalized person to it. in more toxic instances this can lead to peoples' opinions being dismissed or their negative emotions or experiences being downplayed because they don't confess to having some kind of trauma, disorder, marginalized identity, etc. so of course, in such a situation, young people expressing a normal need for emotional validation or just wanting to be heard might attempt to adopt identities in order to fit in and be taken seriously.
Holy shit, which flight are you in that the discord is filled with people like that? I changed to a flight with an older demographic and I don't really see people like that in the discord (the dom one at least). I did saw someone literally talking to themselves with their alters in either one of the all-flights servers or my old flight's server so it seems to be much more common among the younger folks, which makes sense I guess. Dumb teens want attention and we were at that point once.
Because your average user has the maturity and patience of a 14y/o and what they consider "slow to reply" is a lot faster than MY consideration of "slow to reply" and having a note that I'm disabled is usually a good way to avoid accusations of ghosting, stealing dragons, etc
(it's less "medical chart in display" than explaining to an impatient teenager what a hemiplegic migraine is.)
Also because I've met other folks on fr with disabilities by having the disabled button in my profile, and have made friends who Get It.
Np! I 100% get that there's a lot of kids who are assigning themselves diagnoses willy nilly- some are because they are genuinely sick and their folks can't afford to take them to specialists, so self diagnosis is a form of catharsis.... but there are some who just want to feel special.
Me, I just don't want to have to explain to a 14 y/o for the millionth time that yes, certain types of migraines are disabling, and that something "as simple as logging into FR" is not simple.
Disabled is just quicker, to the point. (And makes me approachable by other folks with disabilities, so it's a win/win.)
DA - I'm a little late to this conversation. I think sometimes people tend to overshare. I frequently roll my eyes at some of the buttons. But I do appreciate when someone lists that they are disabled and even sometimes what the specific disability is. Sometimes it's nice to see if someone else is dealing with the same thing(s) I am. And sometimes it lets me know that person has limitations and to be more patient if I'm waiting on a response or interaction of some sort. I don't particularly need to know if someone is lactose intolerant. (Though I guess it's a safe space for people who want to talk about the fact that they get diarrhea from ice cream?) I don't think a breakdown of specific disabilities is required, but knowing that someone is autistic, or dyslexic, or has ADHD, or a chronic pain disorder, or a myriad of other things, can be really helpful when it is something that impacts communication.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. Fortunately ableism isn't so bad on the site and FR users will generally shut up when they see an explanation like this as to why they were not being catered to immediately. As long as the explanation of a disability isn't being abused to avoid responsibilities and obligations with paying customers or another service, it's perfectly reasonable.
It makes sense and I totally get why people have details like this in their profile. Personally I'm so, so tired of having to disclose my own private details around disability irl in order to have people treat me humanely when I cannot physically function. I'm not willing to do it on a pet sim site, and I'm not going to cater to people that take their frustration (over stupid shit like hearing back from a nest rental within 20 hrs, which I have seen) out on people by bullying them or trying to convince people that they're getting scammed, even if I could potentially prevent this by disclosing my personal details. Because fuck those people.
I'm genuinely glad other people have found community on FR through sharing disability status, and I definitely get a certain amount of social privilege from having a disability that isn't always visible, and that doesn't affect me 100% of the time. A lot of other people don't get that. But damn I still don't want to have to share any of that shit on my profile, I'm already sick of that.
I admit this kind of thing is actually exactly what gets my own hackles up a bit: the notion that neurodivergence is a justification for rudeness. (and I say this as someone who is neurodivergent, including being on the spectrum.) your posts here don't strike me as notably blunt/rude, so most likely this is simply anxiety on your part rather than you wanting an excuse to be a dick!
it's just that I've had a few too many bad experiences.
No, I get it- I've seen folks be COMPLETELY rude for no reason, and then say "YOU'RE ABLEIST, I'M AUTISTIC" -coughs at Prince Eridan-
When I say blunt, I mean I might come off as such because of how I type. I'm really bad at conveying tone through text, and even worse at deciphering tone through text.
(I've tried balancing this out by using tone indicators or emoticons/emoji to show I'm not mad/displeased etc, and have been accused of being a tumblr snowflake, or being passive aggressive because of the emoji. I gave up and just explain I'm autistic, because you can't win for losing with some folks when trying to communicate with them.)
Honestly with the amount of shit-flinging I've seen at people who are even a wee bit blunt (especially on SMR), you're extremely valid for just stating that you're autistic tbh. Some folks are just tiring to deal with.
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Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)If you aren't going out to eat with someone, lactose intolerant is pointless information and almost feels like making a mockery of it to me.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)yeah, things like that feel very "socially relevant" & make sense to put in a forum signature! and i understand the desire to disclose other "big" things relevant to your identity, like autism for example as i see that button around a lot. knowing you are surrounded by a community of individuals who are similar to you feels wonderful! (i am also autistic & i love how big of a presence autistic individuals have on pet sites in general) but i agree with the nuances other people are bringing up.
-you can share as you please, but you don't owe that information to anyone, and you don't have to pre-explain your behavior to strangers
-your private medical information is yours - it's not really "Safe" behavior to broadcast your whole chart to the Internet (plus, i just plain don't want to see it all attached as an addendum to every brief "this update is cool!" and "here's my dragon for your share thread" post, & that's why i blocked the 16-button signature person)
-having a certain condition doesn't excuse bad behaviors, but the growing population of Internet users who, like, "flash the badges" of their condition(s) as a get-out-of-consequences-free card has made me wary of interacting with people who put a list of mental health conditions as THE very first & most important thing they want others to know about them
...& i feel like the person who requested the "lactose intolerant" button is either 1) someone naive-ish who wants to feel included in the oversharing trend but blessedly did not choose to fabricate a condition in order to participate, or 2) some based comic who styled their request to look earnest in public but is secretly laughing behind their screen. which is the explanation i prefer to believe, because it is silly. "lactose intolerant & proud FR user" funny-false bugbear equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom"
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)Bios like these definitely signal some oblivious over-sharing, but the specific pattern of bullying I've seen from people with these kinds of bios is honestly the biggest factor in why I now avoid them. There are probably plenty of people with over-sharing stamps their bio that aren't using their condition(s) as a free pass for bad behavior, but it's happened enough that I now automatically avoid a person when I see a ton of these in their signature.
Btw did FR ever have incidents in the past with people using kinning as justification for bullying? All this is giving getting flashbacks to 2015 era Tumblr and I'm imagining someone with "impkin" in their bio starting a thread of the forums in order to call people out for having lore that didn't match their, uh, memories of being an imperial on the astral plane. (How people didn't immediately catch on that this shit was the 4chan created equivalent of "furry student litterbox bathroom", I'll never know.)
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 08:57 pm (UTC)(link)+1 I have these buttons in my profile (no signature though), just the simple ones. I included the disabled one because y'know, it DOES affect my gameplay. I'm barely active due to severe flares right now, and mentioned that in my broadcast, but nowhere do I mentioned my conditions or what symptoms I'm experiencing. I just have [gender], disabled, and FR relevant stuff up. It's a grand total of 6 buttons, only 2 are about me personally, and the other 4 are about FR.
People that include a whole ass medical chart are pretty absurd imo. Sure, awareness is important (when it comes to certain things that is, but c'mon, lactose intolerance?), but dragon Neopets seriously isn't the place for it. If you REALLY have to, go make an Instagram page for it or something so you can talk about how that killer sub from Subway destroyed your toilet.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 09:40 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)(Me, a person who just puts "may be slow to reply" on my FR and no one ever complained for details as to why on my 10 years of playing it)
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)Probably because there's a not insignificant chance that whoever's on the other end of a slow reply won't give the person the benefit of the doubt otherwise. It's pretty common to see people complaining in discord that so and so took forever to reply in a dom shop/art shop/nest rental, ect. In a perfect world the complaint would come with a caveat of 'but there was adequate notification of expected response time from their bio, and my frustration may be disproportionate to the problem of not being replied to in 30 min'... but that's not what happens.
I don't feel comfortable sharing my details on the site either so if I know in advance that I'm going to be slow to respond for personal reasons I just put 'will be slow to respond'. I fully expect a few people will bitch about the wait time unless I put a reason that they can personally empathize with. (But whatever, I don't care about those people)
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:42 pm (UTC)(link)Oh for sure, I'm in the same boat as you. People are going to bitch regardless of how much information you put in your signature/bio/profile as to why you're so slow so I just don't see the point in saying anything about myself.
...But then again, I don't care about those people either. And I guess some people do.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-09 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)anyways on a lighter note, one time I stumbled upon a profile that had one of those gray buttons and nothing else, and the button was "DIVORCED". thought that was hilarious lmao why is there even a "divorced" button to begin with
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 03:32 pm (UTC)(link)I'm not against self-diagnosing. Mental healthcare in the USA is expensive and often unobtainable and many times self-diagnosing can help you start to find coping mechanisms from sources meant for people with a confirmed diagnosis that can help you hold on until you can get the proper help yourself. But it feels like so many young people - particularly on FR - are doing it because they feel it will give them an instant into community and connection and make them special. It's hard to condemn them for wanting this because to be honest don't we all but it is so hard to not be annoyed. I only hope they'll grow out of it.
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)it doesnt help that in online social justice-oriented spaces generally there's an overall notion that anything you say is more valid if you can attach your lived experience as a marginalized person to it. in more toxic instances this can lead to peoples' opinions being dismissed or their negative emotions or experiences being downplayed because they don't confess to having some kind of trauma, disorder, marginalized identity, etc. so of course, in such a situation, young people expressing a normal need for emotional validation or just wanting to be heard might attempt to adopt identities in order to fit in and be taken seriously.
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:51 pm (UTC)(link)Because your average user has the maturity and patience of a 14y/o and what they consider "slow to reply" is a lot faster than MY consideration of "slow to reply" and having a note that I'm disabled is usually a good way to avoid accusations of ghosting, stealing dragons, etc
(it's less "medical chart in display" than explaining to an impatient teenager what a hemiplegic migraine is.)
Also because I've met other folks on fr with disabilities by having the disabled button in my profile, and have made friends who Get It.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)Ooooh, gotcha gotcha! Thanks for the explanation :D
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-05 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)Np! I 100% get that there's a lot of kids who are assigning themselves diagnoses willy nilly- some are because they are genuinely sick and their folks can't afford to take them to specialists, so self diagnosis is a form of catharsis.... but there are some who just want to feel special.
Me, I just don't want to have to explain to a 14 y/o for the millionth time that yes, certain types of migraines are disabling, and that something "as simple as logging into FR" is not simple.
Disabled is just quicker, to the point. (And makes me approachable by other folks with disabilities, so it's a win/win.)
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 01:57 am (UTC)(link)It makes sense and I totally get why people have details like this in their profile. Personally I'm so, so tired of having to disclose my own private details around disability irl in order to have people treat me humanely when I cannot physically function. I'm not willing to do it on a pet sim site, and I'm not going to cater to people that take their frustration (over stupid shit like hearing back from a nest rental within 20 hrs, which I have seen) out on people by bullying them or trying to convince people that they're getting scammed, even if I could potentially prevent this by disclosing my personal details. Because fuck those people.
I'm genuinely glad other people have found community on FR through sharing disability status, and I definitely get a certain amount of social privilege from having a disability that isn't always visible, and that doesn't affect me 100% of the time. A lot of other people don't get that. But damn I still don't want to have to share any of that shit on my profile, I'm already sick of that.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-08 04:42 am (UTC)(link)I admit this kind of thing is actually exactly what gets my own hackles up a bit: the notion that neurodivergence is a justification for rudeness. (and I say this as someone who is neurodivergent, including being on the spectrum.)
your posts here don't strike me as notably blunt/rude, so most likely this is simply anxiety on your part rather than you wanting an excuse to be a dick!
it's just that I've had a few too many bad experiences.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-08 04:47 am (UTC)(link)No, I get it- I've seen folks be COMPLETELY rude for no reason, and then say "YOU'RE ABLEIST, I'M AUTISTIC" -coughs at Prince Eridan-
When I say blunt, I mean I might come off as such because of how I type. I'm really bad at conveying tone through text, and even worse at deciphering tone through text.
(I've tried balancing this out by using tone indicators or emoticons/emoji to show I'm not mad/displeased etc, and have been accused of being a tumblr snowflake, or being passive aggressive because of the emoji. I gave up and just explain I'm autistic, because you can't win for losing with some folks when trying to communicate with them.)
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-08 06:20 am (UTC)(link)Honestly with the amount of shit-flinging I've seen at people who are even a wee bit blunt (especially on SMR), you're extremely valid for just stating that you're autistic tbh. Some folks are just tiring to deal with.