I'm not trying to be a dick, Im just curious: why do people need to know exactly why you might be slow to reply to things? wouldn't simply putting "might be slow to reply" be more than enough for people? Why would anyone want to know the exact reason? I'm just sort of confused.
(Me, a person who just puts "may be slow to reply" on my FR and no one ever complained for details as to why on my 10 years of playing it)
Attention or an easily cited excuse if they really mess up timewise (such as finishing up with a commission, getting nest rental dragons back, Etc.) That's my answer.
Not talking about OP who mentioned they were autistic. I'm talking about people who do this very carelessly in general. I can see cases where mentioning autism may be necessary in the case someone takes a blunt communication the wrong way. Unfortunately people on FR are really touchy like that.
Probably because there's a not insignificant chance that whoever's on the other end of a slow reply won't give the person the benefit of the doubt otherwise. It's pretty common to see people complaining in discord that so and so took forever to reply in a dom shop/art shop/nest rental, ect. In a perfect world the complaint would come with a caveat of 'but there was adequate notification of expected response time from their bio, and my frustration may be disproportionate to the problem of not being replied to in 30 min'... but that's not what happens.
I don't feel comfortable sharing my details on the site either so if I know in advance that I'm going to be slow to respond for personal reasons I just put 'will be slow to respond'. I fully expect a few people will bitch about the wait time unless I put a reason that they can personally empathize with. (But whatever, I don't care about those people)
Oh for sure, I'm in the same boat as you. People are going to bitch regardless of how much information you put in your signature/bio/profile as to why you're so slow so I just don't see the point in saying anything about myself.
...But then again, I don't care about those people either. And I guess some people do.
not a respond to anyone in particular but I just want to say THANK YOU GUYS for this thread. so many people are clearly faking disorders on FR, and I know other people know they're faking disorders on FR, but you can't say anything about it anywhere because someone will cry ableism. I've seen people say this isn't as big as a problem as people make it out to be, but it is. fuck, it is. I have a friend with a plethora of physical disorders she's too scared to tell anyone about because she's afraid people will think she's just one of those "TikTok attention seekers". I saw a video someone recorded of their younger (as in, child) siblings pretending to have Tourette's because of TikToks they were watching making it seem like the cool and trendy disorder of the week. like what the hell. sorry this shit just really pisses me off and it really bothers me how we let people get away with it so brazenly sometimes
anyways on a lighter note, one time I stumbled upon a profile that had one of those gray buttons and nothing else, and the button was "DIVORCED". thought that was hilarious lmao why is there even a "divorced" button to begin with
there are SO many people in my flight's discord faking DID and it drives me up a wall. But I can't say anything about it because I'll be yelled at for ableism. DID is exceptionally rare disorder and the split personalities certainly do not manifest as youtubers you discovered two years ago, but lets pretend this discord has ten people with DID as if that's actually going to happen and that's likely and that the person with solely minecraft youtuber alters is not faking, sure.
I'm not against self-diagnosing. Mental healthcare in the USA is expensive and often unobtainable and many times self-diagnosing can help you start to find coping mechanisms from sources meant for people with a confirmed diagnosis that can help you hold on until you can get the proper help yourself. But it feels like so many young people - particularly on FR - are doing it because they feel it will give them an instant into community and connection and make them special. It's hard to condemn them for wanting this because to be honest don't we all but it is so hard to not be annoyed. I only hope they'll grow out of it.
NAYRT, but right?! there's a lot of creativity going into some of these elaborate facades, and that creativity should be nourished, instead of wielded as this cudgel with which to say "I'm more valid than you so my opinions are sexier & more correct," like the other anon was talking about. wanting to be paid attention to & cared for & loved is very Human. but "attention seeking" has been maligned as a personal failing, rather than a need for attention/care that deserves to be met. it's just such a shame that, instead of getting (professional/medical/supportive) attention for whatever conditions ARE going on with these fakers (because they do deserve that support & care), they decide to take to the Internet & spread misinformation that reduces severe, legitimate conditions down to a fashion aesthetic & a set of roleplay character cards. roles to be filled - protector/trauma holder/little. even "faceclaims" - i'm the real JoJo Adventure TM, don't reality check me & doubles DNI. BLECH i don't even like repeating it, but i think it is important to talk about. i know seeing "dissenters" can reinforce the insular nature of these types of communities - "see, the rest of the world doesn't care about us, only We know what is true and right" - but i have also spoken directly with "former fakers" who told me that they felt encouraged to speak the truth after seeing metered, reasonable discussion between others who explained the harm caused by spreading misinformation, and reassuring "current fakers" that it's OK to change your mind, and that you still deserve community & care, just in a healthier way than sticking with people who encourage you to be "sicker" rather than exploring the nuances behind what might be causing ill health or "bad behavior" (which i put in scare quotes because disruptive/unwanted/unhealthy behaviors are very often just symptoms of unmet needs). ANYWAY. bringing it back to Flight Rising, i've seen discussions about DID pop up on the saltminerising tumblr before, including someone saying like, "i hope staff recognizes systems!! we should be able to have an alt account for every guy :3" and "hahaha i was being rude & nasty to people on the forums yesterday but it totally wAsN't Me, aren't i so quirky?" i think perhaps a not-insignificant portion of the regular commenters there might fall into Faker/Oversharer territory themselves, because you get responses like "Flight Rising not letting me have 12 accounts is ableism! reporting people for being multis is like calling the cops!" and other such wild takes. puts a bad taste in my mouth.
God no, I hate the current situation but I don't want to to back to people thinking that they are 4real Sans Skeleton kin and have "memories" from their past character life in an alternate dimension... The amount of bullying people tried to justify with this was insane. I saw one person in their 20s kinning invader zim, and calling various people abusive for "drawing him doing things he didn't consent to", such as... wearing a different wig and holding hands with Marvin the Martian.
I see some younger millennials and older gen z using kin as shorthand for 'I identity with x character', but the whole history of people using kinning as a bullying tactic and transphobia being a big reason for its more widespread use in 2014-2017 leaves a super gross taste in my mouth whenever I see it. The 'I am angel/sans/plant/wolf/ kin' bios in 2016 you could directly trace to people on 4chan and KF that were creating these accounts to be incredibly shitty about trans people, and it's still a thing they pull out on twitter from time to time. If you see an 'info' post about catkin going around on twt that's literally a thing created in a 4chan thread to fuck with y'all.
it doesnt help that in online social justice-oriented spaces generally there's an overall notion that anything you say is more valid if you can attach your lived experience as a marginalized person to it. in more toxic instances this can lead to peoples' opinions being dismissed or their negative emotions or experiences being downplayed because they don't confess to having some kind of trauma, disorder, marginalized identity, etc. so of course, in such a situation, young people expressing a normal need for emotional validation or just wanting to be heard might attempt to adopt identities in order to fit in and be taken seriously.
This is also an excellent point! I've definitely seen this kind of thing happen and I totally agree it leads to adopting marginalized identities that may not necessarily be accurate so as to be involved and heard. I think FR definitely leans into a social justice vibe, not that that's a bad thing, but I do think it can lead to things like you discussed.
Holy shit, which flight are you in that the discord is filled with people like that? I changed to a flight with an older demographic and I don't really see people like that in the discord (the dom one at least). I did saw someone literally talking to themselves with their alters in either one of the all-flights servers or my old flight's server so it seems to be much more common among the younger folks, which makes sense I guess. Dumb teens want attention and we were at that point once.
right, totally Not a performance roleplaying with oneself in a public venue hoping to be noticed. yowza. it hurts too seeing how many people in these groups are in their late twenties/early thirties still engaging in these types of behaviors.
Because your average user has the maturity and patience of a 14y/o and what they consider "slow to reply" is a lot faster than MY consideration of "slow to reply" and having a note that I'm disabled is usually a good way to avoid accusations of ghosting, stealing dragons, etc
(it's less "medical chart in display" than explaining to an impatient teenager what a hemiplegic migraine is.)
Also because I've met other folks on fr with disabilities by having the disabled button in my profile, and have made friends who Get It.
Np! I 100% get that there's a lot of kids who are assigning themselves diagnoses willy nilly- some are because they are genuinely sick and their folks can't afford to take them to specialists, so self diagnosis is a form of catharsis.... but there are some who just want to feel special.
Me, I just don't want to have to explain to a 14 y/o for the millionth time that yes, certain types of migraines are disabling, and that something "as simple as logging into FR" is not simple.
Disabled is just quicker, to the point. (And makes me approachable by other folks with disabilities, so it's a win/win.)
DA - I'm a little late to this conversation. I think sometimes people tend to overshare. I frequently roll my eyes at some of the buttons. But I do appreciate when someone lists that they are disabled and even sometimes what the specific disability is. Sometimes it's nice to see if someone else is dealing with the same thing(s) I am. And sometimes it lets me know that person has limitations and to be more patient if I'm waiting on a response or interaction of some sort. I don't particularly need to know if someone is lactose intolerant. (Though I guess it's a safe space for people who want to talk about the fact that they get diarrhea from ice cream?) I don't think a breakdown of specific disabilities is required, but knowing that someone is autistic, or dyslexic, or has ADHD, or a chronic pain disorder, or a myriad of other things, can be really helpful when it is something that impacts communication.
Oh yeah, that makes so much sense! This convo really opened my eyes because admittingly when I think of disabilities on FR I think of ones like mine (learning disability+speech impairment.. college is hell for me) or something else like rheumatoid arthritis. While my disabilities don't really get in the way of MOST things on FR, I need to remember that "disability" is such a huge umbrella and that the FR fanbase is pretty big and diverse.
You're valid in letting your disability be known and I am glad you managed to even reap in a benefit of befriending similar folks who Get You. You deserve it!
(...Are you, by chance, the one Anon who accidently missed putting someone elses breeding pair on a nest before roll over because you went into an episode? :O )
I'm glad to hear that :D There's lot about disabilities that isn't talked about.
And yeah! I am that anon, lol. That was such a mess. Was my first (and only?????) seizure. Docs chalked it up to a really really bad hemiplegic migraine making my brain short circuit.
(Hilariously, it made getting a medical marijuana card all the easier, and I am down from 2-3 hemiplegic migraines a week to 2-3 a month! THC is a lifesaver.)
"but there are some who just want to feel special."
That describes most of the situations online unfortunately, because it is too easy to lie. It's rare for people to assign self-diagnoses accurately in general, and many of the 'self-diagnosed' people I see on the internet pander to the worst of stereotypes and assumptions about the supposed illnesses they have. DID is apparently all the rave to fake, for instance, and so are wild and offensive inaccuracies about it.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. Fortunately ableism isn't so bad on the site and FR users will generally shut up when they see an explanation like this as to why they were not being catered to immediately. As long as the explanation of a disability isn't being abused to avoid responsibilities and obligations with paying customers or another service, it's perfectly reasonable.
It makes sense and I totally get why people have details like this in their profile. Personally I'm so, so tired of having to disclose my own private details around disability irl in order to have people treat me humanely when I cannot physically function. I'm not willing to do it on a pet sim site, and I'm not going to cater to people that take their frustration (over stupid shit like hearing back from a nest rental within 20 hrs, which I have seen) out on people by bullying them or trying to convince people that they're getting scammed, even if I could potentially prevent this by disclosing my personal details. Because fuck those people.
I'm genuinely glad other people have found community on FR through sharing disability status, and I definitely get a certain amount of social privilege from having a disability that isn't always visible, and that doesn't affect me 100% of the time. A lot of other people don't get that. But damn I still don't want to have to share any of that shit on my profile, I'm already sick of that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)(Me, a person who just puts "may be slow to reply" on my FR and no one ever complained for details as to why on my 10 years of playing it)
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 10:47 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)Probably because there's a not insignificant chance that whoever's on the other end of a slow reply won't give the person the benefit of the doubt otherwise. It's pretty common to see people complaining in discord that so and so took forever to reply in a dom shop/art shop/nest rental, ect. In a perfect world the complaint would come with a caveat of 'but there was adequate notification of expected response time from their bio, and my frustration may be disproportionate to the problem of not being replied to in 30 min'... but that's not what happens.
I don't feel comfortable sharing my details on the site either so if I know in advance that I'm going to be slow to respond for personal reasons I just put 'will be slow to respond'. I fully expect a few people will bitch about the wait time unless I put a reason that they can personally empathize with. (But whatever, I don't care about those people)
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:42 pm (UTC)(link)Oh for sure, I'm in the same boat as you. People are going to bitch regardless of how much information you put in your signature/bio/profile as to why you're so slow so I just don't see the point in saying anything about myself.
...But then again, I don't care about those people either. And I guess some people do.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-09 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)anyways on a lighter note, one time I stumbled upon a profile that had one of those gray buttons and nothing else, and the button was "DIVORCED". thought that was hilarious lmao why is there even a "divorced" button to begin with
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 03:32 pm (UTC)(link)I'm not against self-diagnosing. Mental healthcare in the USA is expensive and often unobtainable and many times self-diagnosing can help you start to find coping mechanisms from sources meant for people with a confirmed diagnosis that can help you hold on until you can get the proper help yourself. But it feels like so many young people - particularly on FR - are doing it because they feel it will give them an instant into community and connection and make them special. It's hard to condemn them for wanting this because to be honest don't we all but it is so hard to not be annoyed. I only hope they'll grow out of it.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)wanting to be paid attention to & cared for & loved is very Human. but "attention seeking" has been maligned as a personal failing, rather than a need for attention/care that deserves to be met. it's just such a shame that, instead of getting (professional/medical/supportive) attention for whatever conditions ARE going on with these fakers (because they do deserve that support & care), they decide to take to the Internet & spread misinformation that reduces severe, legitimate conditions down to a fashion aesthetic & a set of roleplay character cards. roles to be filled - protector/trauma holder/little. even "faceclaims" - i'm the real JoJo Adventure TM, don't reality check me & doubles DNI. BLECH i don't even like repeating it, but i think it is important to talk about. i know seeing "dissenters" can reinforce the insular nature of these types of communities - "see, the rest of the world doesn't care about us, only We know what is true and right" - but i have also spoken directly with "former fakers" who told me that they felt encouraged to speak the truth after seeing metered, reasonable discussion between others who explained the harm caused by spreading misinformation, and reassuring "current fakers" that it's OK to change your mind, and that you still deserve community & care, just in a healthier way than sticking with people who encourage you to be "sicker" rather than exploring the nuances behind what might be causing ill health or "bad behavior" (which i put in scare quotes because disruptive/unwanted/unhealthy behaviors are very often just symptoms of unmet needs).
ANYWAY. bringing it back to Flight Rising, i've seen discussions about DID pop up on the saltminerising tumblr before, including someone saying like, "i hope staff recognizes systems!! we should be able to have an alt account for every guy :3" and "hahaha i was being rude & nasty to people on the forums yesterday but it totally wAsN't Me, aren't i so quirky?"
i think perhaps a not-insignificant portion of the regular commenters there might fall into Faker/Oversharer territory themselves, because you get responses like "Flight Rising not letting me have 12 accounts is ableism! reporting people for being multis is like calling the cops!" and other such wild takes.
puts a bad taste in my mouth.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-11 03:58 am (UTC)(link)I see some younger millennials and older gen z using kin as shorthand for 'I identity with x character', but the whole history of people using kinning as a bullying tactic and transphobia being a big reason for its more widespread use in 2014-2017 leaves a super gross taste in my mouth whenever I see it. The 'I am angel/sans/plant/wolf/ kin' bios in 2016 you could directly trace to people on 4chan and KF that were creating these accounts to be incredibly shitty about trans people, and it's still a thing they pull out on twitter from time to time. If you see an 'info' post about catkin going around on twt that's literally a thing created in a 4chan thread to fuck with y'all.
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)it doesnt help that in online social justice-oriented spaces generally there's an overall notion that anything you say is more valid if you can attach your lived experience as a marginalized person to it. in more toxic instances this can lead to peoples' opinions being dismissed or their negative emotions or experiences being downplayed because they don't confess to having some kind of trauma, disorder, marginalized identity, etc. so of course, in such a situation, young people expressing a normal need for emotional validation or just wanting to be heard might attempt to adopt identities in order to fit in and be taken seriously.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 05:16 pm (UTC)(link)This is also an excellent point! I've definitely seen this kind of thing happen and I totally agree it leads to adopting marginalized identities that may not necessarily be accurate so as to be involved and heard. I think FR definitely leans into a social justice vibe, not that that's a bad thing, but I do think it can lead to things like you discussed.
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 05:17 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)it hurts too seeing how many people in these groups are in their late twenties/early thirties still engaging in these types of behaviors.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:51 pm (UTC)(link)Because your average user has the maturity and patience of a 14y/o and what they consider "slow to reply" is a lot faster than MY consideration of "slow to reply" and having a note that I'm disabled is usually a good way to avoid accusations of ghosting, stealing dragons, etc
(it's less "medical chart in display" than explaining to an impatient teenager what a hemiplegic migraine is.)
Also because I've met other folks on fr with disabilities by having the disabled button in my profile, and have made friends who Get It.
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-04 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)Ooooh, gotcha gotcha! Thanks for the explanation :D
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-05 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)Np! I 100% get that there's a lot of kids who are assigning themselves diagnoses willy nilly- some are because they are genuinely sick and their folks can't afford to take them to specialists, so self diagnosis is a form of catharsis.... but there are some who just want to feel special.
Me, I just don't want to have to explain to a 14 y/o for the millionth time that yes, certain types of migraines are disabling, and that something "as simple as logging into FR" is not simple.
Disabled is just quicker, to the point. (And makes me approachable by other folks with disabilities, so it's a win/win.)
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-05 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-05 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)Oh yeah, that makes so much sense! This convo really opened my eyes because admittingly when I think of disabilities on FR I think of ones like mine (learning disability+speech impairment.. college is hell for me) or something else like rheumatoid arthritis. While my disabilities don't really get in the way of MOST things on FR, I need to remember that "disability" is such a huge umbrella and that the FR fanbase is pretty big and diverse.
You're valid in letting your disability be known and I am glad you managed to even reap in a benefit of befriending similar folks who Get You. You deserve it!
(...Are you, by chance, the one Anon who accidently missed putting someone elses breeding pair on a nest before roll over because you went into an episode? :O )
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-06 03:26 am (UTC)(link)I'm glad to hear that :D There's lot about disabilities that isn't talked about.
And yeah! I am that anon, lol. That was such a mess. Was my first (and only?????) seizure. Docs chalked it up to a really really bad hemiplegic migraine making my brain short circuit.
(Hilariously, it made getting a medical marijuana card all the easier, and I am down from 2-3 hemiplegic migraines a week to 2-3 a month! THC is a lifesaver.)
Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-08 12:14 am (UTC)(link)That describes most of the situations online unfortunately, because it is too easy to lie. It's rare for people to assign self-diagnoses accurately in general, and many of the 'self-diagnosed' people I see on the internet pander to the worst of stereotypes and assumptions about the supposed illnesses they have. DID is apparently all the rave to fake, for instance, and so are wild and offensive inaccuracies about it.
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(Anonymous) - 2023-08-09 14:18 (UTC) - Expandok you wanted my rant about it
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(Anonymous) 2023-08-05 03:09 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unpopular Opinion...
(Anonymous) 2023-08-10 01:57 am (UTC)(link)It makes sense and I totally get why people have details like this in their profile. Personally I'm so, so tired of having to disclose my own private details around disability irl in order to have people treat me humanely when I cannot physically function. I'm not willing to do it on a pet sim site, and I'm not going to cater to people that take their frustration (over stupid shit like hearing back from a nest rental within 20 hrs, which I have seen) out on people by bullying them or trying to convince people that they're getting scammed, even if I could potentially prevent this by disclosing my personal details. Because fuck those people.
I'm genuinely glad other people have found community on FR through sharing disability status, and I definitely get a certain amount of social privilege from having a disability that isn't always visible, and that doesn't affect me 100% of the time. A lot of other people don't get that. But damn I still don't want to have to share any of that shit on my profile, I'm already sick of that.