anonrerising | Happy Valentine's!

Very very shortly, Maushold (trans man) complained about issues he has had when transitioning, with people questioning if he really was a "girl" all this time because of some feminine expression he has done. He complained that "egg" jokes about femme presenting men are really annoying to him.
SleepyKattin (trans man) joined with an overall similar sentiment and experience.
Kid then quoted both of them that something they've said can be interpreted as transmisogynistic because there's nothing wrong with egg jokes in their opinion, and if you're offended at an implication of being a trans woman, you're transmisogynistic. Even though Kid admitted it doesn't apply to the two posters, because obv people questioning is Maushold & Sleepy are really "women" are just being transphobic to them. They repeatedly said that making egg jokes is like. Fundamental/needed for trans girls.
(I don't know Kid's identity, but they did say "us" when talking about trans women, so I'm assuming they're transfeminine).

AYRT thank you for the summary, very much appreciated. I'm glad Aequorin decided to step in because seems like the kind of thing that could quickly spiral out of control

NARYT

One of the things I also noticed is that Kid also was saying that it shouldn't be bad to suggest men to who try more feminine styles and looks that they might be trans or non-binary.

Which just sort of rubs me the wrong way, because unless you know them and know they are actually questioning themselves, (and want your opinion) why suggest it to them? Let them explore in peace without having people suggest 'maybe you are this, or maybe you are that'.

Basically, to me, it boils down to: not everyone wants your opinion, especially on things very personal to themselves. Even your friends might not want your opinion on such things. So, keep it to yourself unless you know that it will do some good or the person is open to hearing your opinion (and this goes for pretty much any opinion)

NAYRT
I mean Kid DID say that it's not uncommon for transfem people to wish for having their egg cracked sooner via someone suggesting the idea to them. Some people genuinely have zero idea that being trans is an option for them, already settled into discontent because it's all they know. Like ultimately idfk how I would navigate this sort of scenario bc almost all my friends are already trans so I can't crack a damn thing, but I completely get the perspective of transfeminine people here.

DA

my issue is the "oh but what if you're actually trans FEM?" being aimed at me.

I'm a trans dude, I can't BE a trans woman, because I hate being seen as a cis woman. I already had all those parts taken off/removed bc I hate them, I am the opposite of trans fem, I am a fully transitioned trans dude with no intentions of ever being fem again.

Everything and everyone doesn't need to be smacked with the estrogen wand, stop aiming it at folks who don't want it.

SA
Maybe I'm missing crucial context but if you're transmasc doesn't this stuff automatically not apply to you? I know coercion to detransition is a whole thing right now, but the egg cracking stuff is completely unrelated to y'all I thought? Like that's not even what the egg stuff even means it doesn't apply to people who are already trans.

Sorry, I missed an entire sentence. Thanks, mobile.

When I was figuring out my gender and thought I might be trans masc, I had lesbians and trans women trying to "shove me back into my egg" (one even said that in what she thought was funny and charming) because it was better for me to stay miserable than be masculine.

It feels weird to me that trans fems are allowed to explore but trans masc folks get so much weird feedback and we always "do it wrong." or we get "And yet another woman lost to the patriarchy"

So whenever I see someone who might be leaning to trans masc and people just go "You're a tomboy" or "Hahaha shoving you back in your egg" it just... rubs me the wrong way.

Very sorry you've gone through this, I've genuinely never heard of this sort of behavior. Maybe it's because I'm in spaces with transmasc lesbians who face a bunch of shit from people who try to police identities day in and out.
Ultimately, I still agree with the idea that cis people will generally benefit from being told that there's more options to them than AGAB since we all need to start somewhere.

Forgot something. Definitely an "our experiences aren't universal" scenario but saying that transfems are allowed to explore while transmascs aren't is... Kinda wild? Almost every transfem I know has struggled to express herself because of backlash from randos and the already high standards of ideal femininity. Don't get me wrong, I have seen the other side where transmascs get derided for enjoying GNC styles or unmasculine interests. It sucks both ways. Nobody wins.

AYRT

Oh yeah, don't get me wrong, I definitely know how trans women get shat on for exploring, too- it's DANGEROUS for trans women to be butch in any way that isn't your typical TV version of butch (flannel shirt and plain lipstick lol)

It sucks for everyone and I just wish folks would let people wear what they want lol.

"I still agree with the idea that cis people will generally benefit from being told that there's more options to them than AGAB since we all need to start somewhere."

you seem to have missed that the entire context of this conversation is a trans woman (or transfemme nonbinary) telling a trans man he's being transmisogynistic for not wanting to have his identity as a trans man questioned for anything short of perfectly conforming to ideal masculinity

Admittedly I only skimmed the thread because I wasn't in a place to give it a proper read. That sucks. I actually did acknowledge that I might've missed that sort of crucial context. I still stand by my statement.

ok, but the statement you made is irrelevant to the issue. no one here disagrees with you that it is a good thing to help cis people realize there are options other than default settings available to them. trans men are not cis people who need the charity of someone telling them they might actually be a woman.

I did also say that in my following posts. Why are you here?

also that there are better and less reductive ways to do this than "egg" memes.

"I don't know Kid's identity, but they did say "us" when talking about trans women, so I'm assuming they're transfeminine"

They replied to a post on SMR and said that they were trans but not transfem. They also described themselves as transmisogyny exempt (TME), which I think is another way of saying they're not a transfem but I'm not familiar with the term.

https://saltminerising.tumblr.com/post/776204152353275904/thank-you-fr-community-for-reminding-me-that-fr-is#notes

That post is a clusterfuck and I don't trust SMR regulars not to bleed over here, so I'm gonna be watching this.

Very closely.

Y'all have been refreshingly mature compared to the cess pool that is SMR/FR forums so I'm not freezing it, but I will if SMR regs show their asses.

just read the replies on that post. what the fuck are some of these people smoking. can i have some.

The DRR admin posts bigoted stuff because that's their brand but I have no idea why the SMR people thought publishing this quasi-transmisogynistic ask was 1) okay 2) the appropriate ask to display as the poster child of all the other asks

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