As someone who used to moderate a flight server, I can tell you that banning someone from those servers does not happen lightly. I think most flights want to be inclusive and usually only ban people who are causing a lot of problems. Every flight server I've been in tends to be a little cliquey simply because people get to know each other and become friends. A lot of people pass through a flight and don't stay, so the people that do stay are more likely to talk to people they know and like.
I guess my question is, why are you staying in servers where people piss you off? There are many different kinds of subcultures on most of the sites you listed. You are never going to find a single person, let alone a group of people, that you agree with 100% of the time. People are varied, have their own life experiences, and even the best of them have a shitty opinion or two.
My advice: 1. Unless you are a moderator of a server, there is no need to verbalize your dislike of how someone is acting. If you don't like them, don't interact with them. If they are breaking a rule and a mod hasn't noticed, DM a mod and let them know. It's not your job to police the people in servers where you are simply a member.
2. Cut people some slack sometimes. You don't have to agree with everything someone says to get along. Sometimes it's okay to agree to disagree.
3. Leave a server if you don't like a majority of the people in it. You are allowed to curate your own online experience and staying in a group that constantly makes you angry is not healthy.
4. This sounds kind of ridiculous, but google how to stop being toxic. There are some really good articles out there.
To add to identifying toxicity: If you're struggling with interpersonal stuff it can be worth it to read through your past conversations and try to identify how, what, and why you are communicating, which can be three very different things.
For example, we had a member in a server that had opinions that I thought were often interesting and well researched. Unfortunately the way she would communicate was extremely aggressively and combatative, talking down to whoever she was in the chat with, and would enter casual conversations on topics as mundane as toothpaste and turn them into hostile debates. What she communicated was fine, but how she communicated drove people away, and her reason for communicating seemed to be that she was there to start and win fights, maybe to use people as an outlet.
Counterexample is a person I saw get kicked out of a small server. They were great at friendly conversation, but then started to defend some conservative rhetoric under pretext of ignorance. They eventually tried to manipulate people into gifting them things. How they were communicating was technically socially acceptable, but what they communicated was toxic af, and their reason for communicating was selfish and manipulative.
Idk how helpful this kind of rigid framework is for your context, and of course there are times when being disagreeable in a chat is the right choice. If you're being disagreeable towards wankers like dakk then by all means carry on.
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Re: Discord toxicity and me
(Anonymous) 2023-07-11 12:26 pm (UTC)(link)I guess my question is, why are you staying in servers where people piss you off? There are many different kinds of subcultures on most of the sites you listed. You are never going to find a single person, let alone a group of people, that you agree with 100% of the time. People are varied, have their own life experiences, and even the best of them have a shitty opinion or two.
My advice:
1. Unless you are a moderator of a server, there is no need to verbalize your dislike of how someone is acting. If you don't like them, don't interact with them. If they are breaking a rule and a mod hasn't noticed, DM a mod and let them know. It's not your job to police the people in servers where you are simply a member.
2. Cut people some slack sometimes. You don't have to agree with everything someone says to get along. Sometimes it's okay to agree to disagree.
3. Leave a server if you don't like a majority of the people in it. You are allowed to curate your own online experience and staying in a group that constantly makes you angry is not healthy.
4. This sounds kind of ridiculous, but google how to stop being toxic. There are some really good articles out there.
Re: Discord toxicity and me
(Anonymous) 2023-07-11 01:37 pm (UTC)(link)+1 Good advice.
To add to identifying toxicity: If you're struggling with interpersonal stuff it can be worth it to read through your past conversations and try to identify how, what, and why you are communicating, which can be three very different things.
For example, we had a member in a server that had opinions that I thought were often interesting and well researched. Unfortunately the way she would communicate was extremely aggressively and combatative, talking down to whoever she was in the chat with, and would enter casual conversations on topics as mundane as toothpaste and turn them into hostile debates. What she communicated was fine, but how she communicated drove people away, and her reason for communicating seemed to be that she was there to start and win fights, maybe to use people as an outlet.
Counterexample is a person I saw get kicked out of a small server. They were great at friendly conversation, but then started to defend some conservative rhetoric under pretext of ignorance. They eventually tried to manipulate people into gifting them things. How they were communicating was technically socially acceptable, but what they communicated was toxic af, and their reason for communicating was selfish and manipulative.
Idk how helpful this kind of rigid framework is for your context, and of course there are times when being disagreeable in a chat is the right choice. If you're being disagreeable towards wankers like dakk then by all means carry on.