at the risk of sounding condescending or otherwise generic, i want to tell you that i think its good that youre reflecting on this behavior. at a basic level i'd recommend finding a counselor or therapist (NOT betterhelp, that company sucks), if your financial situation allows for it. i am not a therapist, but i think the other anon had some good advice and i can try to give you some as well. follow them or not, i'm just some random anon on a drama site lmao.
first, i'd say you should think about why you feel like you find yourself in situations with toxic people, and think about why you engage with them. im not looking for you to answer these questions, but i'd recommend thinking about: - why do you feel the need to engage with them? does it feel fun/stimulating/justified/something else? do you think other people feel the same way when they see you do this? - why do you stay in spaces with people you think are toxic, or generally people who are often criticized on drama spaces? - why do you feel like you don't fit in in any spaces on the internet other than niche drama-centric servers?
if you feel as though you will inherently bring toxicity to other servers, i'd recommend making a journal, text doc, or even a private discord server with only yourself. whenever you feel the need to rant/call out/criticize someone, write down those thoughts in that private space and then - importantly - move on. make it as ranty as you want, because it's getting those negative thoughts out of your head instead of instigating a fight. in the long run you'd probably want to wean off those immediate aggressive thoughts, but this can help curb some behaviors that you think are toxic.
try to find a hobby or IRL group that gets you physically engaged. apps like iNaturalist and pokemon go can give you a reason to do stuff outside and makes you more aware of all the stuff going on in the world around you. see if there's any low-key clubs or organizations in your area, like a cooking club, birdwatching group, or maybe even a zoom book club. if those social groups aren't viable, you can still turn it into a solo hobby - find something that you think is fun, and give yourself little goals (eg. try making a new recipe a week, research and try to find a new local animal every weekend, etc).
with that in mind, i do think that there are absolutely spaces on the internet that you can find comfort in even if you feel like you'll never fully fit in. with my above recommendation to find an engaging hobby, i'd also recommend trying to tie that in with some sort of online community dedicated to that hobby, even if its just posting photos on reddit of cool bugs you saw. you don't need to do this with the intention of making deep conversation, but being a part of a community - even if its just on some surface level to talk about bugs - could help satisfy your need for connection.
obviously i don't know your whole deal, ive just read one post by you, so i apologize if any of my comments came across as condescending or overly simplistic. i do wish you the best, nonny.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Re: Discord toxicity and me
(Anonymous) 2023-07-11 01:42 pm (UTC)(link)longer response:
at the risk of sounding condescending or otherwise generic, i want to tell you that i think its good that youre reflecting on this behavior. at a basic level i'd recommend finding a counselor or therapist (NOT betterhelp, that company sucks), if your financial situation allows for it. i am not a therapist, but i think the other anon had some good advice and i can try to give you some as well. follow them or not, i'm just some random anon on a drama site lmao.
first, i'd say you should think about why you feel like you find yourself in situations with toxic people, and think about why you engage with them. im not looking for you to answer these questions, but i'd recommend thinking about:
- why do you feel the need to engage with them? does it feel fun/stimulating/justified/something else? do you think other people feel the same way when they see you do this?
- why do you stay in spaces with people you think are toxic, or generally people who are often criticized on drama spaces?
- why do you feel like you don't fit in in any spaces on the internet other than niche drama-centric servers?
if you feel as though you will inherently bring toxicity to other servers, i'd recommend making a journal, text doc, or even a private discord server with only yourself. whenever you feel the need to rant/call out/criticize someone, write down those thoughts in that private space and then - importantly - move on. make it as ranty as you want, because it's getting those negative thoughts out of your head instead of instigating a fight. in the long run you'd probably want to wean off those immediate aggressive thoughts, but this can help curb some behaviors that you think are toxic.
try to find a hobby or IRL group that gets you physically engaged. apps like iNaturalist and pokemon go can give you a reason to do stuff outside and makes you more aware of all the stuff going on in the world around you. see if there's any low-key clubs or organizations in your area, like a cooking club, birdwatching group, or maybe even a zoom book club. if those social groups aren't viable, you can still turn it into a solo hobby - find something that you think is fun, and give yourself little goals (eg. try making a new recipe a week, research and try to find a new local animal every weekend, etc).
with that in mind, i do think that there are absolutely spaces on the internet that you can find comfort in even if you feel like you'll never fully fit in. with my above recommendation to find an engaging hobby, i'd also recommend trying to tie that in with some sort of online community dedicated to that hobby, even if its just posting photos on reddit of cool bugs you saw. you don't need to do this with the intention of making deep conversation, but being a part of a community - even if its just on some surface level to talk about bugs - could help satisfy your need for connection.
obviously i don't know your whole deal, ive just read one post by you, so i apologize if any of my comments came across as condescending or overly simplistic. i do wish you the best, nonny.