anonrerising | Spoopy Time!!

On forcedcoma's page:

http://web.archive.org/web/20241009150221/https://www1.flightrising.com/clan-profile/332420

"To those who know about the person I was, I apologize. I was confused and was around a lot of hate that felt like it was right at the time. I've learned since and grown to understand myself and others better. I hope whoever is hurt by what I personally have said in the past knows I'm sincerely sorry and I have been working to change that side of me every day."

Well, it's nice they apologized but I don't buy it. Being a full adult and saying the n-word, r-slur, t-slur, and having fun doing so... How can any of that 'feel right at the time'? It's not like they were a minor. It's not like they were being mildly transphobic/homophobic/racist the way a lot of people raised in ignorance were. No, they were LOUDLY and PURPOSEFULLY saying things they knew were dehumanizing and bigoted on purpose. More like you're facing the consequences of your actions now.

I mean, I do think people are capable of growth and change at any age. And even adults can be indoctrinated by shitty people and beliefs - you hear all the time about people’s formerly Democrat voting relatives suddenly becoming far right MAGAs.

That said, part of growth and atoning for one’s past behavior is accepting that even if you have changed, that reputation follows you and there will always be people uncomfortable around you or who reasonably don’t believe you. No one is obligated to accept your apology, and you have to accept that if you’re really trying to make amends. The reason for changing is it’s the right thing to do, and you’ll be a better person going forward and not hurt anyone anymore - it isn’t to win back those you already hurt.

I hope forcedcoma really has changed and is working on themselves because they know that they did was wrong, and not just to clear their name. I also hope they accept the consequences of what they’ve done and recognize there’s going to be many who don’t want anything to do with them still. I personally won’t be unblocking or interacting with them, and I suspect that’s the same of a lot of people who have them blocked.

i do also think its worth offering some degree of grace to forcedcoma in particular - from someone who interacted with them and didnt know about their prior association with vongacy's group, their prior actions were in part due to self-loathing/denial and cultural influence from being queer in russia. this isn't an excuse and i agree with your skepticism, but if someone has worked through their shit and seems to have done the self-reflection and understand that other people are not obligated to forgive them, that's kinda the best we can hope for as an outcome

I did not know that bit of context, thank you! I am still very uncomfortable around them, but I believe I had them mixed up with HellsByte (the one in the screenshots that said 'Straight, white, proud, do not interact with me if your heterophobic' in their bio.)

I'm actually willing to give them the benefit of the doubt here because the apology is literally just that. There's nothing there about hoping to mend fences or that they'll be given a second chance or whatever. They don't look like they're trying to get buddy-buddy with people who they hurt, or like they're asking to be unblocked or whatever, but a disclaimer like that will help anyone who does decide to talk to them by both making it clear that they do have a problematic past so that new acquaintances and friendships are forged transparently and acting as a buffer so that people hopefully give them a chance to prove they've changed rather than try and sabotage new connections they make by flying in with unsolicited receipts trying to claim they've not disclosed their prior bigoted behavior.

I don't like the idea that someone can't change because they were an adult when they did the bad thing, as Nonny upthread has condemned them for. Your environment and friend circles are a major contributor to your personality, and people regardless of age are still able to unlearn a lifetime of prejudice & immaturity and become better if they're willing to do the work.

DA

I can give them the benefit of the doubt and hope they've changed... but it isn't gonna stop me from blocking them as a minority they used slurs against.

Being insulted for being born a non-white ethnicity (especially loudly and even proudly, as FC did) is a permanent black mark, and I will never give that person my attention or energy.

AYRT

I definitely wouldn't expect you or anyone else specifically to deal with them. I fall into the middle of a veritable venn diagram of groups their bigotry was aimed at. My point is mostly that, as written, it doesn't look like they expect anyone's forgiveness either.

I'm not personally extending an olive branch, but I'm willing to hope this means we have one less willfully hateful person in the world.

DA, I agree, just because someone was a piece of shit in the past doesn't mean they're not willing to grow and learn how their ways were wrong with time. Just because someone is an adult doesn't mean they suddenly stop growing as a person, being an adult isn't just an end all be all for someone's morality.

Umm question, asking in good faith

Obvi everyone in that discord aeems like assholes and to DNI, but did FC actually like... directly hurt anyone? Or just indirectly by spewing general hate? Like is there anyone specifically they should actually apologize to? Ik the people misgendered that one guy but from the screenies that seems to be other ppl, unless the Russian dictator person is them

Idk just curious if I'm missing something obvious or if there's stuff outside these screenies that's also relevant, I wasn't here for this when it happened

seconding this – i've had very brief interactions with FC, but i feel like they deserve a second chance, considering they're also willing to change. i have a similar background to them, i am, also, queer and russian, and this environment definitely heavily affects you. i've been saying some nasty shit maybe 4-5 years ago (definitely not to the degree that FC has, mostly focusing on the queer part of it, yet still) and i've drastically changed my views since then by interacting with the lgbt community and educating myself. russia to this day heavily stereotypes both queer and poc individuals and you need to be in the right circles to be up to date on everything, which would be completely coincidental if you don't seek out a more progressive surrounding. nobody is expected to forgive them, but i feel like they deserve understanding for their situation

Question - how old were they? Is "not a minor" could be 18 and three days or 27 yk

Pretty sure they were close to their early 20's. Like 19-21 or something.

That's barely into adulthood. Young enough to still be the stupid teenager, but old enough that everyone thinks you are magically adult. And still carrying the prejudice you were raised with.

I do hope if this list is made, context like the apology is included so folks can make an educated decision. I don't blame folks that block anyways, but the fact that they regret it should be available, as people do grow.

just to be clear, that last bit was in reference to the mod wanting to do a wanker master post. I know the info is here.

If it should come to fruition, all details will be added, because yes, we're salty bastards, but we're not skeevy and biased, either.

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