I feel like I’m going to sound crazy for this, like I’ll just get told to get over it like I’ve been before, or get told I’m a little dumb for posting this kind of thing on a dragon petsite anon comm, but. Man. It’s hard to talk to people. And I don’t really know who to go to about it, since I don’t really have friends. Not because I’m a “bad person” or like… combative, or anything that I’m aware of that would usually turn people away, but I just feel like there’s something wrong with me that everyone else can see but I just cannot understand. I’ve tried talking to people in the servers I’m in, joining conversations, sharing dragons and stuff like everyone else does, but I get ignored every time I do, so I can’t help but wonder if there’s just something about me that puts people off. I try to be friendly and respond to people when they ask for opinions, I compliment people’s art and writing when they share it, etc… but I always feel like I’m fucking up by doing so, somehow, because I haven’t actually be spoken to in months despite frequently posting in servers. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but it has to be something, right? I’d love to make friends in my hobby communities the way I used to as a kid but it’s harder than I remember now and I don’t understand why.
I don’t even know what sort of advice suits this situation other than “just stop caring
By "friends" do you mean people you have one on one convos with and can develop into actual friendships, or just people who recognize and treat you as a regular in the Discords you're in?
I've personally found it nearly impossible to make friends over Discord unless it's in a small group. Maybe I'm kind of old but I find it rude that the norm on Discord is to ignore previous messages if they're not relevant to whatever you wanted to say (especially in art channels where it's so easy to just put an emoji react on the previous item if it didn't get any attention). I sometimes feel like I'm invisible on Discord, even (maybe especially) in my small groups, because people didn't react to something I said earlier. Like if I was sitting in a room with these people and I said something and no one reacted, it would be equally weird to me.
With regard to FR, the easiest way I feel to be recognized and start talking to people is to join some small scene (examples include SIDHA, Dragonwish Foundation, smaller flight servers, like dom servers or Nature's server for newbies, maybe certain subspecies or adopt communities) and contribute to it. I feel like over time I've gotten to know more people as they recognize my name coming up as a contributor to things.
you are probably doing nothing wrong and the things you say are probably fine, like another anon said, it really depends on the audience/time/place how receptive people are
which sucks honestly
I second the advice to see if you can get involved in some flight rising activity, maybe one of your flight's programs, if they are very active? collaborating towards a common goal can over time lead to more friendly conversations, if you are willing to be very patient
Hmm, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. IRL, the judgments of others would have a lot more to do with body language, tone, general hygiene & appearance, et cetera. This is largely removed in online context (though tone does come through, it's easier to modulate because of the ability to reflect on what you've written before submitting your text). ESPECIALLY communities like FR where being autistic or LGBTQ+ honestly feels like the norm. So, we have to rule out a lot of the regular factors affecting social response.
In the spaces where you feel like you're being rejected, what personal information do you have available? A lot of people have auto-block criteria, so take a look at how you describe yourself and check that information against common squicks. Whether they're sensical or not, here are reasons why people might block or ignore: obnoxious style of typing; fandom affiliation (not just anime-type fandom, but also sports teams & whatever else); mention of shipping or character preference; country of origin; whether or not you're a Furry; neopronouns, especially or including emoji pronouns; oversharing medical conditions; whether or not you're a minor; et alia.
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Re: OT Thread
(Anonymous) 2023-07-12 04:40 am (UTC)(link)I don’t even know what sort of advice suits this situation other than “just stop caring
Re: OT Thread
(Anonymous) 2023-07-12 04:43 am (UTC)(link)Re: OT Thread
(Anonymous) 2023-07-12 04:48 am (UTC)(link)I've personally found it nearly impossible to make friends over Discord unless it's in a small group. Maybe I'm kind of old but I find it rude that the norm on Discord is to ignore previous messages if they're not relevant to whatever you wanted to say (especially in art channels where it's so easy to just put an emoji react on the previous item if it didn't get any attention). I sometimes feel like I'm invisible on Discord, even (maybe especially) in my small groups, because people didn't react to something I said earlier. Like if I was sitting in a room with these people and I said something and no one reacted, it would be equally weird to me.
With regard to FR, the easiest way I feel to be recognized and start talking to people is to join some small scene (examples include SIDHA, Dragonwish Foundation, smaller flight servers, like dom servers or Nature's server for newbies, maybe certain subspecies or adopt communities) and contribute to it. I feel like over time I've gotten to know more people as they recognize my name coming up as a contributor to things.
Re: OT Thread
(Anonymous) 2023-07-12 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)which sucks honestly
I second the advice to see if you can get involved in some flight rising activity, maybe one of your flight's programs, if they are very active? collaborating towards a common goal can over time lead to more friendly conversations, if you are willing to be very patient
Re: OT Thread
(Anonymous) 2023-07-15 05:35 pm (UTC)(link)In the spaces where you feel like you're being rejected, what personal information do you have available? A lot of people have auto-block criteria, so take a look at how you describe yourself and check that information against common squicks. Whether they're sensical or not, here are reasons why people might block or ignore: obnoxious style of typing; fandom affiliation (not just anime-type fandom, but also sports teams & whatever else); mention of shipping or character preference; country of origin; whether or not you're a Furry; neopronouns, especially or including emoji pronouns; oversharing medical conditions; whether or not you're a minor; et alia.