anonrerising | Tag Urself

Recently brought up on DR for the profile comment "I am she/her/hers. I am not "they", there is only one of me."

As someone who is NB I decided to drop them a pretty quick message. I let her know that it's completely reasonable to not want to be referred by pronouns she doesn't like, but why her statement could be considered rude/offensive to those who do use they/them pronouns. I plainly stated that I didn't think her intention was to be malicious but that I wanted her to know how others may see it, and offered to explain anything if she had questions.

The response I got is -

"No insult intended, but please, you do you, and please let me do me. I admit that what I wrote was an angry protest against people who call me "they" even after I tell them I'm "she", and people who refuse to comply with requests like the one you suggested, but I also have autism with strong word related biases."

I get it. That would be really frustrating to be continuously referred to as the wrong pronoun even after correcting people. That happens to me a lot. I still don't think it really excuses the comment, though.

Anyway this is pretty copy and pasted it seems like because this is now on her profile-

"No insult intended, but please, you do you, and please let me do me. I have autism with strong word related biases and penchant for word play. Remember that there is a fine line between being open minded and forcing your views on others. Also, I don't CARE what gender/pronoun someone is, so long as that person's not not viewing me as a sex object based on that gender/pronoun, and are ready to just let me be a platonic crazy old Christian woman and talk to me about Transformers, our dragons, and other geeky stuff. To me, people are people, and I like people, even though they scare the heck out of me sometimes."

'Please let me continue to belittle they/them pronouns. Even after being told so, I don't care if it personally upsets those who are NB.' Is what I'm getting out of this.

Maybe I'm a little more annoyed than I should be because it personally hits home for me? I hear the "they/them isn't even grammatically correct dumbass it's for groups of people lmaoo" far too often from shitty transphobes. Feel free to tell me if I'm wrong here nonnies.

(I also don't think that autism is a good excuse for ignoring that people are upset with your word choice and making the choice to actively ignore other people's feelings after it was brought to your attention.)

... You know, it just dawned on me FR doesn't have a report profile option for user profiles like they do on dragons, unless I'm blind and missing it...

Person with ASD here to assure you that it's not reasonable to insult other people's pronouns just because you have ASD and a hangup about word choice.

"You" is also a plural pronoun, yet I don't see this person insisting on using thee, thou, and thine when addressing others... smells transphobic lol

Another person on the spectrum here- and trans- and This.

I really don't like that there's this faint smell of using their problems to justify not even attempting to change their behavior (the whole "I have autism so everything I do is OK" shtick, there's a difference between saying that you will have trouble changing your behavior because of your autism vs saying that you will not change your behavior because you have autism).

Seriously, it actually feels insulting to autistic people.

They're outright insinuating autism is why they're an asshole, and not... Them being an asshole.

... okay, how the fuck did I manage to make pronoun mistakes in this thread? Damn I'm a dumbass. She. I need to stop posting when I'm just waking up. Or you know, stop existing on 4 hours of sleep and caffeine.

But seriously, in a lot of circles, I've been told they is the pronoun to use if you don't know or don't remember. I'm in discords with rules saying use they until you know.

It is. She can be as sniffy about it as she wants to be, but they is a common - and not novel - way to refer to people of unknown gender.

I can understand being frustrated at people not respecting your pronouns, but all she had to do was drop the 'i'm one person' thing from her bio and just emphasize she goes by she/her. The decision to instead double down with a paragraph of justification is sketchy - also, randomly dropping that she's a Christian in response lol. What's that got to do with it? (I mean, I know what it looks like to ME but what is she thinking it comes across as?)

Also, I really wonder if it's people not respecting her pronouns or just people not knowing or noticing them at first, because they/them has been used as a singular pronoun for individuals whose preferred pronouns we don't know since forever.

Kind of confused by the like, linking of sexuality and objectification to pronouns... it's understandable to be frustrated imo, I think you were doing a nice thing by reaching out. As yet another autist and someone who's nb but also gets (quietly) bothered by people using 'they' for me, I'd just write something like 'please only use she/her pronouns for me' idk

As an autistic person, it's hella annoying when other autistic people act as if autism is a personality. Sis. It aint an autism thing. It's an asshole thing. We're capable of being assholes just like the rest of the population, no diagnosis is going to make you immune to that.

Guess that's another one for the block list.

Guessing she got a lot of harassment bc she now has no dragons and an empty profile??

Seems like it

Good riddance

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