I would like to point out that the op didn't say that they didn't want to be called queer, if we're going to argue semantics or the lack thereof. They didn't want to be called the "q-slur," which is what I find insulting and disturbing. Not the fact that they don't want to use it/have it applied to them.
If someone doesn't want to be called queer, that's fine. Perfectly valid and you do you. We should be able to use or not use whatever labels we want. But q-slur is rejecting *my* identity. It's saying to me that it's a gross word and I'm gross for wanting to use it. To apply queer as a label for me and the queer community in general, not the person who doesn't want to use it.
So, yes, I get a little defensive and upset over that, which I feel is a reasonable reaction. And it does make me wonder/worry what other ideas this person holds, because ideas and beliefs do not exist in a vacuum. Do I think they're a terf? No, not without real proof. But their phrasing *is* a terf dogwhistle whether they intended it that way or not. So I'm going to be wary of them and point out to my friends why I am doing so.
Alright, I respect that. I personally don't view people censoring themselves by referring to it as q-slur instead of queer to be an attack on others because they're policing their own language about their own identity rather than anyone else's (for example, I would disagree if someone the word genderqueer if referring to someone else as that's very disrespectful). However I completely understand why you might dislike the term even if it's not being used in reference to you. I probably shouldn't continue this kind of discussion on here since this is a FR drama comm, but I appreciate your insight!
My experience with the q-slur crowd is, even if they are not terfs, they've decided that this is the Worst Word Ever and completely unreclaimable. They aren't saying don't use it on them, they're saying don't use it at all. I've rarely run into a person who uses q-slur that doesn't think like that, and think that people using it are either ignorant and in need of education. Or terrible people (and then the accusations of other, truly bad, things starts). This is my lived experience, so it does not apply universally, of course. Maybe I just hang out in the wrong corners of the internet.
Thank you for trying to understand my position here, and for being so civil. If it helps, I do understand your position on it, and would love it to be the true and correct one. It would make the world that much lovelier. I wish you all the best, but I think, like you, I will be ending my part in the discussion here
I wasn't gonna continue, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that's been your experience. I've met a lot of really lovely people who are just personally uncomfortable with the word and I really hope you meet nicer people in the future. For what it's worth from one stranger on the internet, you aren't a terrible person for using the word for yourself and I wish you all the best in finding a loving community!
Weirdly enough I’ve had the opposite running into “You ARE queer whether you like it or not :)” types whenever I ask not to be called that. Like yes im trans and hence LGBTQ+ but I don’t want to be called queer. “Whether you like it or not” yeah that’s the point, they’ll respect my pronouns but not the fact that I don’t want that one word used on me? Then they start going on spiels about wanting to eat my kneecaps and sending DMs like QUEER QUEER QUEER QUEER QUEER.
this is something i dont understand and i guess since this conversation is happening this might be an opportunity for me to understand it so sorry for hopping on here. I don't like queer being applied to myself, a gay man, for many reasons, but i also will call myself fag and my friends faggots, whatever we do as faggy etc. To me this seems similar to how others use queer, reclaiming something and taking its power away/rejecting being 'one of the good ones,' but i would not consider it insulting to my identity as a fag for someone else to say 'dont call me the f-slur,' what is it that makes it rejecting of your identity to recognize the word as something that is recognized as a slur?
Lesbian who very casually reclaims the word dyke here and agreed with this 100%, someone saying "Don't call me the d-slur" isn't a personal attack to me or other people in my boat.
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anonrerising2022-08-02 07:34 pm
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-16 08:15 pm (UTC)(link)If someone doesn't want to be called queer, that's fine. Perfectly valid and you do you. We should be able to use or not use whatever labels we want. But q-slur is rejecting *my* identity. It's saying to me that it's a gross word and I'm gross for wanting to use it. To apply queer as a label for me and the queer community in general, not the person who doesn't want to use it.
So, yes, I get a little defensive and upset over that, which I feel is a reasonable reaction. And it does make me wonder/worry what other ideas this person holds, because ideas and beliefs do not exist in a vacuum. Do I think they're a terf? No, not without real proof. But their phrasing *is* a terf dogwhistle whether they intended it that way or not. So I'm going to be wary of them and point out to my friends why I am doing so.
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-17 12:59 am (UTC)(link)Alright, I respect that. I personally don't view people censoring themselves by referring to it as q-slur instead of queer to be an attack on others because they're policing their own language about their own identity rather than anyone else's (for example, I would disagree if someone the word genderqueer if referring to someone else as that's very disrespectful). However I completely understand why you might dislike the term even if it's not being used in reference to you. I probably shouldn't continue this kind of discussion on here since this is a FR drama comm, but I appreciate your insight!
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-18 12:09 am (UTC)(link)My experience with the q-slur crowd is, even if they are not terfs, they've decided that this is the Worst Word Ever and completely unreclaimable. They aren't saying don't use it on them, they're saying don't use it at all. I've rarely run into a person who uses q-slur that doesn't think like that, and think that people using it are either ignorant and in need of education. Or terrible people (and then the accusations of other, truly bad, things starts). This is my lived experience, so it does not apply universally, of course. Maybe I just hang out in the wrong corners of the internet.
Thank you for trying to understand my position here, and for being so civil. If it helps, I do understand your position on it, and would love it to be the true and correct one. It would make the world that much lovelier. I wish you all the best, but I think, like you, I will be ending my part in the discussion here
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-19 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)I wasn't gonna continue, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that's been your experience. I've met a lot of really lovely people who are just personally uncomfortable with the word and I really hope you meet nicer people in the future. For what it's worth from one stranger on the internet, you aren't a terrible person for using the word for yourself and I wish you all the best in finding a loving community!
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-20 01:54 pm (UTC)(link)It’s kind of pathetic
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-20 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)There's people on both sides really fanning the flames here, it didn't become such a Discourse topic out of nowhere.
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-17 01:23 pm (UTC)(link)this is something i dont understand and i guess since this conversation is happening this might be an opportunity for me to understand it so sorry for hopping on here. I don't like queer being applied to myself, a gay man, for many reasons, but i also will call myself fag and my friends faggots, whatever we do as faggy etc. To me this seems similar to how others use queer, reclaiming something and taking its power away/rejecting being 'one of the good ones,' but i would not consider it insulting to my identity as a fag for someone else to say 'dont call me the f-slur,' what is it that makes it rejecting of your identity to recognize the word as something that is recognized as a slur?
Re: not trying to stir anything
(Anonymous) 2022-10-19 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)