I would like to point out that the op didn't say that they didn't want to be called queer, if we're going to argue semantics or the lack thereof. They didn't want to be called the "q-slur," which is what I find insulting and disturbing. Not the fact that they don't want to use it/have it applied to them.
If someone doesn't want to be called queer, that's fine. Perfectly valid and you do you. We should be able to use or not use whatever labels we want. But q-slur is rejecting *my* identity. It's saying to me that it's a gross word and I'm gross for wanting to use it. To apply queer as a label for me and the queer community in general, not the person who doesn't want to use it.
So, yes, I get a little defensive and upset over that, which I feel is a reasonable reaction. And it does make me wonder/worry what other ideas this person holds, because ideas and beliefs do not exist in a vacuum. Do I think they're a terf? No, not without real proof. But their phrasing *is* a terf dogwhistle whether they intended it that way or not. So I'm going to be wary of them and point out to my friends why I am doing so.
Re: not trying to stir anything
If someone doesn't want to be called queer, that's fine. Perfectly valid and you do you. We should be able to use or not use whatever labels we want. But q-slur is rejecting *my* identity. It's saying to me that it's a gross word and I'm gross for wanting to use it. To apply queer as a label for me and the queer community in general, not the person who doesn't want to use it.
So, yes, I get a little defensive and upset over that, which I feel is a reasonable reaction. And it does make me wonder/worry what other ideas this person holds, because ideas and beliefs do not exist in a vacuum. Do I think they're a terf? No, not without real proof. But their phrasing *is* a terf dogwhistle whether they intended it that way or not. So I'm going to be wary of them and point out to my friends why I am doing so.