I mean I'm not going to try and pretend like it isn't me somewhat obsessing over knowing what people are saying about me and wanting to try and defend myself, and I won't lie and say that I know I shouldn't and I should just let it all go, but it's difficult to see people shitting on you and not want to defend yourself, ya know? Try and at least clear the air, or explain my viewpoint and have some kind of productive conversation to get to at least a mutual understanding.

A lot of my posting just comes down to the fact that I want to come to some kind of mutual understanding where, even if it turns out both I and whatever anon I'm talking to end up still disagreeing, at least its mutual and not someone just actively shitting on me for a reason they made up.

So I am sorry for coming off as hovering/like I have control issues about it, I can't say its healthy to constantly want to see what people are saying, but at this moment I don't really know how to stop it/I cannot logically stop once I have started. No excuse, still looks shitty, but I guess that's the only explanation I can give